


Cherry Tequila

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, This didn't have a plot at first but now it does help
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-12 01:52:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7915843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She drags her shirt up her stomach slow, slow, like honey and maple syrup, sickeningly sweet and she inhales deeper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Desire

The room is dark, and the four shots of tequila sit in her stomach, warm, warmer than she's ever been. She wants to do terrible, carnal things. She doesn't even remember whose house this is, whose room this is, but frankly she really doesn’t care. Peridot crawls onto the bed in the master bedroom and ignores the loud techno pop that bounces the house outside the thick door and paper thin walls. She can't tell what color the sheets are because her vision swims and she lost her glasses around the time that Amethyst convinced her to start doing shots, but they're soft and they smell like . . . something familiar. Axe cologne and vinyl wrestling mats and some faint trace of steel. _Jasper_ , her mind whispers as she drags her shirt up her stomach slow, slow, like honey and maple syrup, sickeningly sweet and she inhales deeper. 

The little Irish-Italian fists her hands in the flannel fabric and breathes shakily. She's known Jasper since before college. They're good friends and they spend quite a bit of time together. She doesn't want to be friends. She hates it. She wants to _fuck_. Jasper is big and strong, tan and covered in splotches of white, with some gigantic mane of bleached hair. Peridot is small and pale, so weak after so many nights spent awake with her eyes trained on the stars through a telescope or on the numbers and symbols in the strangely elegant language of computer code. Jasper could break her with little to no effort. She almost wants it. Peridot wants to be broken in every way that Jasper can break her.

Painted black nails run down her stomach and she fumbles with the button of her jeans. The zipper is so loud, deafening, shame that reverberates in her head. She's sure that everyone in the party knows what she's doing. She feels disgust rise in her throat. They're _friends_ , she shouldn't think like this, shouldn't want this. The tequila makes her giddy though, and it washes the shame away for a moment. She's _drunk_. She throws her head back when her fingers play with the hem of her undergarments, digs the heel of her free hand into her eye and sighs. They dip under the pale lime panties seemingly of their own accord, down, down, deeper than they should, and her heartrate goes up, up, up.

The fingers find their mark. Smooth, flushed, wet skin and her breath comes hard. She rakes her hand down her face until she finds her own mouth and chews on her fingers so that she doesn't cry out. Nobody would hear, she's sure, but the shame might come back. Her heart jackhammers away in her little chest like a frightened bird’s as she imagines how it would feel to have that lion’s mane of coarse hair between her skinny little legs. She squeezes her eyes shut and moves her fingers. Her skin is abuzz with electricity and it's nothing but white hot static in her core. She moves her hand from her mouth and brings the Jasper-scented sheets to her face and her hips grind hard. 

The door opens rather suddenly and light floods the room. Fear and guilt try to replace arousal in the pit of her stomach as she squeezes her legs shut in front of her and draws both hands to her chest. She can't see, but her heart skips two beats when she hears, “I don't care who's in that bed, I'm tired ‘n I'm sleeping,” Jasper grumbles, stomping into the room. 

“Jasper?” She squeaks, and she wants to die. No wonder the sheets smell like _her_.

Jasper shuts the door and she turns back around, hostility melting away, “Peri? What're you doing in here?” the Navajo woman makes her way to the bed and it dips immensely under her weight. The springs scream, and Peridot envies them. She wants Jasper to make _her_ scream, “Eh, we've slept in the same bed before. Night,” 

Liquid confidence replaces her blood and she watches the other woman settle into bed, “Fuck me,” she slurs quietly, hand sliding to grasp at Jasper’s forearm. Jasper laughs, and hurt blossoms in her chest.

“Yeah, I saw you taking shots earlier. You're such a lightweight, you're gonna have a hangover that could kill tomorrow,” more laughter fills the room, but Peridot is undeterred. She _wants_. It's profane and lecherous and bad, but she’d kill to roll in the hay with Jasper just once. 

“No,” she mumbles. She pulls on Jasper’s arm and rises up to look her in the eye. Well, she tries. Alcohol burns her nerves and she can't see for shit without her glasses, “ _Fuck_ me,” 

“It's gonna suck, I get it, I've had my fair share of hangovers dude. I’m tired, cut it out,” Jasper huffs and tries to shake her off. Peridot makes some terribly indignant noise and very uncoordinatedly throws her leg over Jasper’s thick torso. She straddles the larger woman and glares down.

“How much clearer do I have to make it, you asshole?” Peridot plants her hands on either side of Jasper’s head and tries to hold back her ragged breath. She wishes she could see her expression, “I want you to screw me,” 

It's far too silent for far too long, in Peridot’s opinion, before Jasper lets out the softest “Oh,” Peridot has ever heard. Her core aches and she wants so badly for something to happen. Jasper’s hands are so close to her thighs, she wants to be touched, “You're drunk. You don't wanna fuck,” Jasper refutes. Frustration twists Peridot’s features and she wants to yell.

“I've wanted to get in your pants for the last three years. Tequila just gave me the guts to say so,” her fingernails dig into the hair and the pillow under them. There's no coming back from this, she's sure. A warm hand is on her knee then, and the fear in her stomach is replaced somewhat with anticipation.

“You're sure you're not gonna regret this in the morning?” Jasper wonders quietly, and Peridot’s never felt more delighted in all of her nineteen years.

“The only thing I'm gonna regret is that I didn't do this sooner,” she breathes out, and the hand moves up her thigh. She starts to wonder if her heart is going to survive this with how hard it’s beating. Her face is on fire and it only gets hotter when another hand finds her shoulder. The hand drags up her neck and Jasper cups her skull. A chill rakes down her spine when Jasper speaks again. 

“Can't argue with that, I guess,” She says, low and dark. Jasper urges her to fall forward but she hesitates, centimeters from the other woman’s mouth, hot breath mingling. Fear knots her intestines again. What will tomorrow be like? Tomorrow can wait, she decides. Peridot falls the last inch or so and her whole body ignites. She's like a fire under Peridot’s lips, chapped and tasting like sour apple candies. Their tongues twine and Peridot’s arousal rages. She gyrates her hips against Jasper’s hard muscle.

She breaks the kiss and picks Peridot up under her arms, setting her down on the bed next to her, “You're gonna ruin your pants like that,” her voice is smug, and Peridot tries to kiss it away, “Pants off, I top,” Jasper rumbles, descending on her neck. It’s pain and more pleasure than she's ever felt all at once as Jasper sinks her fangs in. Her searing tongue runs over Peridot’s jaw, her nape, her collarbone. Calloused hands pull her flannel and tank top down harshly. Her hands fist in Jasper’s hair when she scrapes her teeth along her sensitive clavicle and she cries out, loud and unbidden. Jasper’s nails scrape at her hips and she grunts as she slants her fingers in the denim jeans, “Off,” she reiterates.

She wriggles out of them from under Jasper’s form and throws them across the room. They hit a wall and make a loud noise but she's beyond caring at this point. She wants _more_ , “Should I be rough or gentle?” Jasper’s breath is torrid against her neck, far too hot yet not nearly hot enough. She nudges her legs open with a hand on her knee and slides so, so slowly down her milky thigh. She stops an inch short and Peridot wants to shout.

“As hard as you can,” She gasps and pulls on Jasper’s hair again. The larger woman laughs and her hand moves hardly a centimeter closer. 

“Think you can handle it, runt?” Jasper’s thumb digs into the junction of fragile skin between her leg and her torso. She whimpers in response to both and jerks her hips. She wants to plead but she doesn't trust her vocal chords. Jasper laughs lowly, again, and she moves down to press a wet kiss to the inside of Peridot’s thigh. Her thumb drags the underwear to the side and without preamble she is _upon_ her. Peridot gasps and whines, fists her hands in the sheets and quakes as Jasper holds her down. She is on fire then, each breath labored and she is nothing but the white hot sensation that slowly swallows her whole. Her mind is static as she grinds out primal noises and feels all her muscles tense and relax in tandem with the strokes of Jasper’s tongue. Distantly, she wants to close her legs, lock them around Jasper’s shoulders and hold her there, but Jasper has the upper hand. Her nails dig into pale flesh that will blossom purple and red by morning, anchoring the smaller woman to the bed as she _takes_ without mercy. _Good ___, Peridot thinks. She doesn't want mercy.

The breath in her throat is ragged after she yells the other woman’s name as her muscles seize altogether and she's shoved over the brink. Her hands grasp at Jasper’s hair and she tries to pull the woman closer, curling up in pleasure as the static turns to symphony in her mind and she can't feel a thing but bliss. Jasper pulls away when the stiff fingers in her scalp release, and Peridot turns to putty. 

“I didn't know you were a screamer,” Jasper prods, rising to be level with Peridot’s face. A simple kiss, and Jasper tastes like salt. A knee comes between her legs and presses against her and she seizes again, grasping for Jasper’s arms. All she can hear is the rush of blood in her ears. 

“Jesus,” she breathes. Jasper laughs again and keeps grinding her knee. Peridot keens and exhales heavily with each interval, riding out the aftershocks. The knee leaves suddenly and some guttural, annoyed noise escapes her throat, but then there's hands on her hips and Jasper flips them both. She stares down at the larger woman as she straddles her shoulders. 

Another hot kiss to her thigh, “Aw, don’t tell me you're done so soon?” she mocks, and switches to the other thigh, “Tell me when you’re ready again,” she runs her wine colored tongue over the junction of leg and torso, still sore from her thumb. Peridot falls forward and her arms shake like tree branches in a rainstorm as she tries to hold herself up. Jasper bites down on her thin skin and it breaks and stings. She likes it. Her chest heaves and she clutches at the sheets like a lifeline. Her thighs squeeze together involuntarily and she craves sensation again. 

“Go ahead,” she mumbles. Jasper’s tongue is on her again, in her, devouring her. Her toes curl and she perspires, wet and exhilarated as static takes her thoughts again and warmth oozes through her nerves. Jasper smacks her lips and sucks, digs her claws into Peridot’s hips and she's bucking and moaning again. She doesn't last long the second time. Only a few minutes, it must be, before she's tensing up and panting Jasper’s name with every breath again. Her tongue strokes deep and it's enough to send her off the peak with a shout. She's euphoric, and sated in the best of ways. Shaky hands twine in Jasper’s mane and she giggles. 

“You good?” Jasper wonders quietly. Peridot dismounts and flops down next to the other woman. An arm draws her close and she burrows into her side. Her body still buzzes with pleasure and she basks in the scent of Axe and vinyl wrestling mats and steel. 

“Better than ever,” she mumbles in reply, and Jasper hums. Her fingers wrap idly around the hair that surrounds them both, “I can't return the favor, I’m spent. I’m sorry,” 

Jasper grabs her ass and she can hear the smirk in her voice, “There's always next time,” 

She hardly has time to reply before Jasper’s heat and the steady thrum of her heart through her chest lull her to sleep. She doesn't dream that night. 

_-_

Light wakens her. Her eyes slide open, but she squeezes them shut when her hangover strikes. There's a metal stake driving her skull in half and her stomach flips. She stretches and shivers, her legs are freezing and so very sore. A groan escapes her, and she thinks that curling up and dying sounds nice right about now. She wants to fetch the blanket but Jasper still slumbers beside her, a furnace of muscle and warmth. She tucks her head back into the crook of Jasper’s arm and breast, but she feels the other woman start tracing patterns on her hip. 

“How do you feel about me?” Jasper’s voice is low. It still hurts her ears. 

She pauses. How is she supposed to respond to that? “I like you,” she says. That doesn't sound true enough, “More than I should,” she adds. Her throat is scratchy and raw. 

“Three years, huh? I kinda wish you'd fessed up sooner,” she rolls over to face Peridot, wraps both arms around her in an embrace, “Would’ve saved me a hell of a lot of trouble,” she's quiet. Her voice cracks, and Peridot’s only heard this tone four other times in their friendship. Guilt and worry rise in her stomach to beat along with the raging migraine in her head. 

“I’m sorry,” is all she can offer. Jasper pulls her tighter. She’s sure that she’ll see the shine of acrid tears on her cheeks if she looks up, but Jasper hates pity almost as much as she hates herself. She keeps her head down and focuses on the pulse of pain through her muscles. 

Jasper is silent for a long, long time, and Peridot wonders if she's fallen back to sleep. It's hardly a whisper when she speaks again, “I can't. Not . . . not after _her_. Not yet,” 

“You need time to heal. I understand,” part of her is jealous, but mostly angry. Angry that Jasper’s hurricane of an ex even exists, angry that her best friend fears and hurts and screams and bleeds because of it. She’s seen the scars that Lazuli left, mental and physical. She wants to punch someone. Particularly, the Arabic girl with freckles and indigo hair, a tongue that drips poison and manipulation and the claws that cut and turn personality and innocence to mincemeat. 

“We can still screw. I just-I can't take it past that. We’re still best friends, I swear to god,” Jasper sniffs, and something wet drips down to the smaller woman’s cheek. There's a cold lump in her gut, of guilt and rage and envy that twines through her veins, straight through her heart. 

“It’s okay, Jasper,” she murmurs in return, and her hand finds Jasper's. She laces their fingers together and pretends. She pretends that Jasper’s soul isn't shattered, pretends that she's not in love. 


	2. Gentle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She tries not to get excited over it, they're nothing but friends. She tries to tell herself there's nothing down that path, but the elation in her chest and the escalation of her heartbeat don't want to listen.

Jasper sniggers at the overlapping posters on both sides of the small room, band merch and video games and terrible tv shows. There's food wrappers on both sides of the room, Peridot’s consisting mostly of empty Dorito bags and discarded bottles of Mountain Dew and monster, “My healthy little fuckbuddy. No wonder you taste so gross,” the larger woman prods, nudging her and grinning down. 

She's indignant, as usual, if not a little wounded by the quip, “I taste gross?” she draws her hands up to her chest as she recoils. Her face heats and she hates how pale she is. She must look like an angry, splotchy cherry.

Jasper frowns and furrows her brow, “No! You taste fine. It was a joke-I'm joking. I promise,” a hand comes up and runs through Peridot’s hair, cracking gel and hairspray and the larger woman is amused by how irritated the smaller is.

A pale arm swats her away, “If you're done insulting me and ruining my hair, I came here to get my wallet. Stay here,” she marches off through the tiny room, throwing things to and fro and rooting through drawers and dirty pants’ pockets. Jasper watches with great satisfaction and swaggers over to the bedpost with green sheets and little pieces of half-crafted technology all over it. She picks up a circuit board and turns it over in her hands as Peridot’s search continues.

“You know,” she starts, eyes still on the little green piece of metal. Peridot pauses to look up as she tosses it back on the bed, “There's still an hour until the movie starts,” she leans back and locks eyes with the little woman, a predatory smile on her lips. 

“And?” 

“I think your bed needs to be broken in,” her smile gets toothier and Peridot feels the temperature of her face go up at least five degrees, “Your roomie isn't here either,” silence passes and neither of them move for a few moments. Jasper raises a goading brow and her arms cross. Any resolve Peridot might've had crumbles before her.

“If we miss Dogcopter 4 because of this I'll never forgive you,” Jasper’s grin widens and warm hands shoot forward to grasp at her clothes. The larger woman’s lips are upon her before she can think, and they stumble towards the bed. The wood groans and the springs cry out like dying mice when Jasper falls gracelessly onto the mattress, Peridot balanced haphazardly above her. She breaks the kiss with a grimace, “Look I know that's a metaphor for having sex but please don't break my bed. I need it. To sleep in,” 

Jasper guffaws and tangles her hands in blonde hair as she shifts Peridot onto the mattress and she slides off, “Okay, okay, I'll stay over here,” she kneels beside the bed, kisses Peridot’s knees. She rises again, though, and presses her lips to Peridot’s neck. There's a molten tongue scraping against her pulse, hungry teeth clamping down on milky, crystalline skin. She squeezes her thighs as the warmth in her core oozes into her lower parts and stares up at the beige ceiling through silver-rimmed round glasses, “No hickeys,” her voice trembles as one of Jasper’s hands plays with the button of her pants, “I've got a job interview tomorrow,” 

The zipper comes down loudly, but her pants aren't pulled away. Jasper’s hand dips lower, under the hem of her underwear and over wiry hair, “What kind?” she presses a kiss to her jaw and asks, fingers stopping centimeters too short. Peridot groans in frustration and tugs on bleached hair.

“Touch me and I'll tell you,” she hisses, and thankfully Jasper doesn't tease her. Hot fingers run tentatively over a bundle of nerves and she whines into Jasper’s neck. Jasper’s other hand is in her hair as she connects their lips again, rubbing soft circles on Peridot’s sensitivity. The sensation ceases as Jasper pauses and pulls away from Peridot’s mouth.

“Wanna try something new?” Her fingers slide slightly lower, press against her entrance every-so-lightly.

“Will it take longer than usual?” Peridot manages to say, hungry for pleasure.

“If I find the right spot, we’ll be out of here in like five minutes,” her grin turns sultry and she pecks Peridot’s crimson cheeks, “And I _always_ find the right spot,” 

She drags Jasper back down her her level and sighs against her lips, “My lights are green,” she mumbles. Jasper’s lips are on her again and she tastes her heavy tongue, twining theirs together as the fingers press harder. It stings momentarily as one thick finger slides inside of her and she pants and tightens her hands painfully in the roots of Jasper’s hair, “Slow down!” she breaks the kiss and whispers hoarsely as Jasper tries to jam in another finger and the first sinks deeper, but her walls burn with the stretching.

“Christ, is this your first time getting fingered?” Jasper’s fingers still inside her and she presses small kisses to her cheeks and jaw, surprisingly tender, “I mean, I thought you were wet enough but maybe we need more foreplay,” she mumbles, kisses turning to nibbles on her ears, or whatever space on them that wasn't taken up by silver. Peridot sighs and flattens her hands against Jasper’s skull, runs one down to rest against the vitiligo-speckled wrist positioned at her entrance. 

“No, I don't think that's the issue. I've just never had anything inside me. Your fingers aren't exactly skinny, you know,” she snorts and Jasper chuckles. She gasps when a thumb presses against her sweet spot and starts rubbing slow circles around it, resuming the build of pleasure inside her gut. 

“That should make it better. Do you want me to keep going or save this for another time?” her voice is low, soft, almost loving. A shiver rakes up Peridot’s spine and she shoves down the feelings that rise in her throat at that tone. This wasn't the time or place for those. She revels in the feel of the hot, hard muscle of Jasper’s forearm and the soft hair the covers it.

“Just be slow. S’painful,” she sighs again and relaxes back on the bed. She bends her head back and bares her neck for Jasper, who wastes no time in latching on, “But I am curious about this whole g-spot business that everyone’s always talking about,” 

“It's worth a little stretching, trust me,” Jasper’s chuckle is throaty and another shiver traces its claws up her spine. The second finger resumes its entry and Peridot tries to focus on the feeling of the thumb on her clit. It’s disinteresting, at best, and unfortunately just kind of makes her have to pee as Jasper wriggles her fingers inside her, searching for some elusive myth. Her back arches off the bed suddenly and she sucks in air through her teeth when Jasper strikes something, however, and she writhes in pleasure when she strikes it again, whining and pressing her forehead against Jasper’s, “Found it,” her voice is horribly smug and she hits the spot harder and faster, but Peridot can't make her tongue work long enough to form words. Animal noises get louder with every thrust of Jasper’s fingers and her hands are clenched almost painfully in Jasper’s scalp again, teetering on the precipice of orgasm as her heart jackhammers away inside her chest. 

Then the door opens. 

Both heads snap to the entrance and Jasper’s hand retreats from her pants, but not before Amethyst catches an eyeful of them both. Peridot covers her face with her hands and groans into her palms when Amethyst’s face shifts from surprised to shit-eating-grin. The pleasure in her gut fades to a thick haze and she wants to punch something with the sudden frustration that rises.

“ _Holy shit_ , P-Dot! Captain of the wrestling team?” Amethyst cries out, and slams the door. She’ll have to tell the other girl every gritty detail about it when she gets home, or she’ll never be left alone, she's sure. 

“I'd prefer if the _whole damn floor didn't know about it_ , thank you very much,” she snaps at Amethyst, and curls in on herself. Jasper rolls her eyes and scoops her up in her arms.

“Come on, drama queen. I’ll pay for sodas this time, button your pants,” Jasper huffs as she carries her out the door, and she can hear Amethyst cackling behind them, “See ya next practice, runt,” she calls behind them before she shuts the door. To Peridot’s horror, Jasper doesn't put her down. She marches them both down two floors to Jasper’s car and she tries her best to hide her face from passersby, who raise brows every now and then. She does find it ridiculously pleasant, however, being carried in Jasper’s powerhouse arms, pressed against her soft, warm breasts. 

“I didn't know you roomed with the runt. She's on the wrestling team with me,” are the first words out of Jasper’s mouth when both car doors have shut and seat belts have clicked. 

“We’ve been friends for how many years and you didn't know this?” She glares skeptically at the larger woman as she backs out of the parking lot. She digs her fingers into her sides and groans in anguish, “I didn't even come. I’m so _horny_. This is entirely your fault,” 

“God you're dramatic. You do realize that half the time I give you like five orgasms and then you just fall asleep, right? I always have to finish myself off,” 

“You don't _always_ have to! I'm just . . . bad at staying awake after that much activity. I'm sorry,” she sinks down in her seat and rests her knees on the dashboard, too low to see the town going by. The ride to the movie theater is fairly quick and she knows that they'll be there any moment. 

“Maybe we should alternate,” Jasper says simply, and Peridot nods. When the car stops, Jasper leans over to kiss her hard on the mouth for a few precious seconds and her heart is utterly a-flutter. She craves domesticity and the title of girlfriend, but she knows that's off limits. She keeps those feelings locked up and shoved down the pit of her stomach, “We can go to my apartment after the movie and screw there,”

Peridot just nods, and follows her into the movie theater.

When they sit in the black room, surrounded by the soft ambient chattering of other townspeople, Jasper shoots her a smug grin. She raises a brow and stares Jasper down, “What?”

“The whole dorm knowing you’re fucking the captain of the wrestling team sounds pretty great, actually. Think of how huge of an orgy we could have,” She whispers, and Peridot’s face heats up again, “Maybe we could even get your roommate in on a threesome some time. She's cute,” she shoves a mound of popcorn into her mouth and munches noisily, satisfied with herself. Jealousy rears its ugly head and knots her intestines into a mess and she bites her tongue in anger.

“She's going steady with someone,” Peridot retorts, trying to keep the bite out of her voice. It isn't her place to dictate who Jasper has sex with, no matter how much she wants to be special.

“Foursome,” Jasper chuckles, and stuffs her face more. The knots tie tighter and cold claws sink into her throat. She's too old for these petty temper tantrums, dammit. 

“I gotta pee,” she snaps, and tries not to stomp until she leaves the theater room. When she returns, the room is darker and ads play on the screen. Jasper’s popcorn is half gone and she rolls her eyes at the appetite of the other woman. _Athletes_ , she thinks. Jasper doesn't seem to mind all that much, five minutes in, when she Peridot rests her head on the other woman's bicep. She doesn't move.

-

The movie is hardly half over when the practical puddle between her legs becomes too much to bear. She's been grinding her thighs for the last hour and ten minutes of explosions, and Jasper’s definitely noticed her jerky movements and quiet sighs. Her own teeth are sunken deep in her lower lip and she's got her hands wrapped around her middle so that she doesn't give into the temptation to touch herself. She can't take another minute of it, “Jasper,” she whispers, grabs the other woman’s hand. She looks down in bemusement, “This movie sucks. Can we go have sex in the bathroom?” 

Jasper's eyebrows shoot up and there's a grin on her face, “Peridot? Being _kinky_? Someone call the police,” 

“Does that mean you'll put me in handcuffs?” she winks and Jasper almost chokes on her own spit. 

“ _Fuzzy_ handcuffs,” Jasper quips as Peridot’s grip on her hand tightens and she leads her out of the viewing room. Peridot laughs and her fingers interlace with Jasper’s. It’s wonderful.

Jasper hardly has the time to lock the stall before Peridot is trying to pull her head down so that she can kiss her, a bony, pale hand trying to shove a darker one down her pants, “ _Please_ ,” is the only word that her tongue will form. Jasper’s fingers dip down under the hem of her jeans and her eyebrows raise slightly when she touches Peridot.

“Christ, you're completely drenched,” Jasper laughs breathlessly and doesn't hesitate. It doesn't hurt as much the second time, when Jasper slips her fingers in, but it's still mildly unpleasant when the second finger stretches her. Her thumb finds its perch and grinds her into a mess as her other two fingers search. She sinks her teeth into Jasper’s shoulder to keep from screaming when the fingers find exactly where they're supposed to be. It only takes a moment of Jasper hitting that spot for her to tumble over the edge. They remain for a moment as she squeezes her thighs and tries not to make any noise. Then the fingers withdraw and they're pressed to her lips, “Suck,” Jasper commands. She obliges, tongue running over calluses and the taste of salt and her own arousal fills her mouth. 

There's a wet pop when Jasper pulls her fingers away, along with a smirk from the older woman. Peridot hooks her fingers in the hem of her black sweatpants and looks up at Jasper, “I don't return the favor enough,” she says simply and shoves her to the other wall. She drops to her knees and locks green eyes with gold, “Can I?”

“Go ahead, kiddo,” Jasper’s hand finds purchase in her hair as she tugs the sweatpants down to her knees. She finds herself far less irritated by the ruining of her hairdo than she was before as she presses a kiss to the soft skin above Jasper’s mess of thick, black hair.

“Please don't ever call me kiddo while we’re having sex again,” Peridot snorts, and kisses lower, on her torrid thighs. She wants to trace her hands over all the pretty lines of pale vitiligo against dark skin, wants to marvel at all the wonders of Jasper’s body, but there is no time. Maybe she can get her naked if they go to her apartment later, though her little gay heart might just explode. Jasper’s legs spread minutely and she presses her mouth softly to the wet flesh in between, basks in Jasper’s quiet exhale. Hands tighten in her hair steadily as she maneuvers her tongue, around her core and then dipping inside. Jasper tastes like warmth, and like love, and Peridot hates herself for thinking such mushy things. Eventually, she's pulled close and Jasper doubles over, thighs trembling beside Peridot’s head, sweaty, but satisfied.

She straightens up and offers Peridot a hand, which she takes happily. There's another kiss pressed to her lips, softer, sweeter than the others, “Let's go do that some more at my house,” Jasper smiles and buries her head in Peridot’s neck.

“You're such a sap after sex, you know that?” She tries not to get excited over it, they're nothing but friends. She tries to tell herself there's nothing down that path, but the elation in her chest and the escalation of her heartbeat don't want to listen, “I swear we’re gonna get to your house and you're not gonna want to do anything but cuddle,” 

“Don't bash cuddling. It's super nice,” Jasper mumbles, pulls her pants up. They hold hands while they walk to the car and Peridot resists the urge to tighten her grip, or to interlace their fingers. It's nice, however disjointed it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh I didn't think I'd write more for this AU any time soon but then I kinda just ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Unbreakable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello naughty children it's time for mild angst

Peridot shows up unannounced, as they sometimes do at each other’s dwellings. She does call out her presence, however, so that Jasper doesn't come at her with a shotgun or a baseball bat or something. She doesn't know what that woman’s got locked up in nooks and crannies, and honestly she doesn't want to know. There's no response as she allows her bag to slump to the floor, still silence as she kicks off the five dollar flip-flops that make the junction of her toes red and sore. She pads around the apartment, curious. Jasper had said she didn't have anything going on that afternoon, but maybe something came up. Disappointment pricks minorly at her as she thinks of all the cheesy zombie movies she’d lugged over in her pack, as well as the family sized bag of chips and two liter of mountain dew.

There's a mass of white hair draped over the couch in the living room, and the disappointment vanishes, “Hey!” she calls out, bending herself over the back of the couch to catch an eyeful of Jasper’s face, “Why didn't you-” her thought dies in her throat.

Jasper’s eyes are downturned, hollow, haunted. There's bags under her them and they're red and puffy. Peridot stifles a sigh as a cold, heavy stone materializes in her gut. She doesn't need to ask, “I screwed up,” Jasper’s voice is quiet, croaky.

“No you didn't. Nothing that happened was your fault,” she tries, contemplating whether she should try to climb over the back of the couch or simply walk around. She settles for the latter and crosses her legs beside Jasper.

Jasper exhales heavily, slides her hands up to hide her face. Her palms dig into her eyes, and her voice is saturated with shame, “I asked her to take me back,”

“ _Jasper_ ,” the stone in her stomach grows heavier, she lets the sigh escape, “Come on. Why?”

“I’m worthless without her. I’m pathetic and she made me whole,” Jasper spits out without hesitation, every syllable filled with venom. Peridot knows it’s not directed at her, but that only makes it worse.

“She drained you. You make yourself whole, she just tricked you into thinking that you can't,” she puts a skinny, pale hand on Jasper’s bicep. The other woman dares a glance at her before she gathers Peridot up in her arms and holds her tight. Her chest flutters, but she shoves it down. Not now.

Jasper heaves a breath and Peridot’s body leaves the couch for a moment, “The sentiment is nice, but I don't believe that,” Peridot considers refuting again, but she knows she won't get through to Jasper. Not now, at least, but perhaps in the future. Eventually, she feels something hot on her neck where Jasper’s face is buried. She brings a hand to run at Jasper’s back, clutches the bigger woman’s skull with her other, and Jasper steadily comes undone. Quiet, shaky breaths escape her as she tries to reign in herself, but Peridot whispers condolences and clutches her tighter. Her breath grows ragged and her back heaves with silent sobs and slurred apologies, “I miss her,” she croaks.

“I know, you big oaf,” she detaches herself from Jasper, who, for once, doesn't try to cover up her tears. They roll down her speckled face in fat globs and she sighs shakily, “We can talk about it if you want but, I mean, I spent three hours last week pirating the worst zombie movies I could find if you'd rather do that,”

Jasper’s sad frown quirks up from under her disheveled hair, “Did you bring cheetos?”

Peridot reels in mock offense, gasping dramatically and clutching at her chest, “You wound me! You think I’d _dare_ come without them?”

Jasper laughs, and the stone in her stomach gets lighter as she giggles along and pads away to fetch her pack. Jasper falls asleep against her later, when the sun is long gone and the clock reads half past three. The undead masses tear away flesh with such terrible special effects that Peridot thinks it's on purpose, and she tries not to let her mind wander to _what if_ s.

\----

Peridot dabbles in all sorts of illegal things. She pirates every piece of media she can (she hasn't payed for a movie hard copy since she was ten), she makes terrible graffiti under bridges and inside of traffic tunnels, she breaks and enters abandoned buildings for shits and giggles, she smokes weed. She doesn't do hard drugs, she doesn't have a death wish, but she needs a way to relax. Badly.

Jasper hates her last habit, but she still totes her stoned ass around to all her little hideouts in the woods on the far edges of the city and the broken down skyscrapers and factories.

“You're crazy. Why do you enjoy shit like this?” Jasper says incredulously, parking her pick-up outside one of Peridot’s favorite haunts. An old sanitorium that was shut down in the fifties due to the usual fare. Torture, fraud, mistreatment of patients. Peridot grabs her bag without a word, shoots Jasper a slightly deranged look of excitement, and hops out. The sun is setting behind the building as she finds the main doors padlocked and heaves a great sigh. She hears another car door slam as Jasper finally decides to follow her.

“Hey, wall of meat. Help me find another way in,”

“You come up with such good pet names,” Jasper drawls, side-eyeing the little computer engineering major. She points to a window not far off and Peridot’s grin grows wider. The window is, fortunately, already broken, but shards of glass stick to her worn green hoodie as she crawls through, Jasper grunting as she tries to fit after, “If I get tetanus from this I’m gonna punch you in the face,”

“You don’t get tetanus from _windows_ , dumbass. You get it from rusty metal,” it smells like mold and faintly like sulfur. Jasper’s hair stands on end and Peridot buzzes with anticipation.

“We are both gonna die. Some ghost is gonna come after us and hardcore murder us,”

Peridot raises a brow smugly and rummages around in her backpack before setting off out of the room and into the hallway, “You can protect me with your big muscles while I make my getaway. I’ll tell everyone you died fighting a cougar for me,”

"Do we even have cougars here?" Jasper mumbles. Her footsteps echo loud through the desolate corridors. There’s hospital beds and outdated medical equipment littering the building, accompanied by graffiti and stains of things that Jasper doesn’t want to think about. “Why are we here? Why at night?”

Peridot clicks on a flashlight in the fading sun and shakes a bag of something suspicious in her hands, “Gonna get reaquainted with my good friend Mary Jane,”

“God fucking- are you for real? You’re gonna get high while I fight demons?” her hip bumps into a cot, which squeals loudly. She freezes and Peridot rolls her eyes, but then she stumbles on debris. The tasteless teenage vandalism comes few and far between, the deeper they lurk. Jasper doesn’t like it.

She scoffs and brushes herself off, “I’ve been here like twice, dude, and I didn’t see any demons,” she pauses, thinks for a moment, “Though I didn’t ever make it this far. Also Amethyst let me use her bong before I left so I’m already, like, a little bit high,”

Jasper grabs her hood and drags her back where they came. She cries out indignantly, but shines her flashlight forward to help. The light has all but retreated below the horizon and dread curls its hungry fingers up both of their spines as sinister shadows dance and Jasper starts to wonder just which room they crawled out of. Panic rises in her chest and Peridot stumbles again, foot kicking a table and sending it crashing to the ground.

A noise scrapes in the blackness behind them, some sick wail of pain and Jasper drops the hood, instead taking Peridot’s whole torso in her arms and sprinting forward as fast as she can, “I hate you and your weird fucking obsessions!” she whispers shrilly as they dart into a room, and Jasper shoves her hastily out the window.

“For once, I completely agree!” Jasper topples out after her, sticks and twigs and green foliage snapping under her. There’s another crash from inside and Jasper all but screams as she shoves Peridot forward. It’s not until they’re backing away and into the night that Peridot’s heart rate seems to calm itself back to normal and her hands stop shaking.

“Never. Again,” Jasper grits out. They’re speeding down the short, empty road back to Chicago, but there aren’t any cops to pull her over. Peridot is thankful, running her fingers over the plastic casing in her pocket. She knows that by next week, Jasper’ll be over it and will readily follow her into another abandoned, haunted building.

“Dude,” she blurts out, “Let’s be paranormal investigators. No more shitty programming professors, no more midterms, just ghosts,”

“I would rather have my entire college career be based on how I do on a physics final than spend five minutes in a place like that,” her knuckles are tight on the wheel, white with force. Her face is pale and she looks more than unsettled.

Peridot’s mind is murky, so she cackles like a fool and sinks into the torn up leather seats, “Haha, yeah, we almost died. Wanna go over to my friend Jamie’s house? He has good weed and he’s out of town on a theater audition thing-y. You look like you need to relax,”

“I’m taking you back to my house and we are going to watch the Garfield movies on loop until I stop thinking about wanting to piss my motherfucking pants,” amber eyes dart over to glare at Peridot, “And if you light up in my house I’ll kick you out the window,”

“You’re such a killjoy sometimes,” she crosses her arms and Jasper tells her to buckle her seatbelt. She refuses to comply like the petulant child that she is, of course, but Jasper wastes no further energy on it.

\----

  
Their dynamic doesn't change much after they sleep together for the first time at a terrible party that Jasper holds at her own home, paid for with the expenses of her dead mother. It’s horribly awkward, at first, but then they fall into step and run with it. Jasper relapses and cries her little heart out, then Peridot cheers her up with some illegal things and a poorly executed one liner. Except now, occasionally, they fuck until Jasper can't remember her sorrows. Terrible movies or sex, both work just as well in their case.

The door to Peridot’s dorm swings open and her head whips up from Pokémon: X on a lime green nintendo to see a mess of white hair and a thick woman in an orange hoodie. Her face is sullen, but at least there's no tears. Just shame. So much shame.

“Do I need to say what I did?” she mumbles, settling herself heavily on Peridot’s mattress. It groans with her weight as it usually does, and Peridot shuts the nintendo.

She tosses it aside dejectedly, “Did you rob a bank? You look like the kinda person who’d rob a bank,”

Her head thunks against the wall as she leans back, “Banks don't break your heart,”

Peridot barks out a laugh, ” _Clearly_ you've never seen my account balance,”

Jasper chuckles at that too, shoves her hands in her hoodie pockets and refuses to meet Peridot’s eyes, “Inheritance, n’ all that,”

Peridot hums and nods. She rests her cheek against the cottony fabric of Jasper’s hoodie, “So what’cha gonna do with your shrink time today? Bad movies or sex?” a second humorous quip pops into her head and she can't resist, “I don't have any new pirated movies but we can watch all the Spy Kids movies and Sharkboy and Lavagirl if you want,”

Jasper laughs hard at that, “I’m not gonna lie, I haven't seen either of those in years. I’m not sure I want to, either,”

She leans around the bicep in her way and waggles her eyebrows at Jasper, “Maybe you can whip out the toys and pound me into the bed while pre-pubescent Taylor Lautner sings some angsty lullabies in ice-cream land,”

Jasper’s eyes leak tears of mirth that time, and they both heave for breath when their bodies can’t take the laughter anymore, “Okay, now I know I _definitely_ don't want to watch it,” she helps Peridot off the bed and shifts her weight awkwardly as she thinks, “Bring the Spy Kids movies,”

Peridot rushes around her dorm and digs through Amethyst’s garbage until she finds the movie case and shoves it in her backpack, “Can we pick up snacks at the Walgreens down the road?”

Her arms cross and she raises a brow, “Only if you promise not to eat an entire family sized bag of Doritos again. I don’t want you puking on my carpet,”

“One time! One time I pull a stunt like that and you never let me live it down!” she cries back, slinging her backpack over her shoulder and standing up straight. Jasper only laughs and leads her to the car.

The don’t have sex that night, but Peridot does end up sleeping curled up in Jasper’s lap while thumb-thumbs and Juni Cortez fight on Jasper’s flat screen.

  
\---

  
They don't _just_ have sex for consolation reasons, much to Peridot’s relief. Jasper likes to top and Peridot loves it. Loves _her_ , but she pretends that she doesn't. Jasper is adventurous when it comes to sex, to say the least, and Peridot is more than willing to be the subject for her experiments.

Her face is against Jasper’s mattress with her ass in the air, hands bound tightly behind her back with zipties. There’s a bandana in her mouth, tied around her head not-too-tight, but not-too-loose, so that she can't speak. The bed dips when Jasper settles behind her and she shudders in anticipation. Jasper just loves to tease her, to frustrate her, and there's nothing she can do with her hands made useless. She whines and Jasper laughs as she runs the pads of her fingers up skinny thighs. She touches and scrapes and kisses every place on Peridot’s body except for where she wants to be touched.

“You’re so impatient. We’ve got _hours_ ,” she mumbles back, trailing kisses up Peridot’s spine. She squeezes her thighs together in a futile attempt to gain friction, but a hand comes between them and shoves them apart harshly, “Tsk,” Jasper tuts, “Did I _say_ you could do that?” Peridot keens something loud and high pitched and full of desire. Jasper snarls and pushes to her the left until she falls with an indignant noise, and then pulls her back sharply to lay in front of her. At least she's on her back now, staring up at naked muscle and fat, bleached hair and tanned skin that runs with lines of white like the claw marks of a great beast that all fuses together to form the love of her-,

Wait. No.

Her fuckbuddy slash best friend.

Her thoughts pull back to the present when Jasper’s warm hands smooth over her ribs, “Can I touch you?” she asks, sweet, soft, pleasant. She nods and tries not to moan when calluses run languidly over the hard peaks of her breasts, but Peridot never has been the quiet type. Jasper brings her mouth down to suck on her chest and she tries to slam her legs together again with the mounting pleasure. Jasper plants here knee firmly between her little legs and laughs throatily at her increasing frustration. Eventually, Jasper does move to touch her. She makes a soft noise and squeezes her eyes shut when two fingers slip inside of her. The larger woman suckles at her neck and moves as sluggishly as she can, slow strokes that serve no purpose. The initial pleasure fades and Peridot groans in exasperation. Jasper nips at her jaw, “Okay, okay, we can get to it. We should probably have, like, a safe word or something, since you've never done this before,” Peridot sticks her tongue out from under her gag and blows a poor excuse for a raspberry, “Oh, right,”

“The safe word is Steve Jobs,” she blurts out as soon as the gag is gone and they double over, cackling.

“That's the sexiest thing you’ve ever said,” Jasper deadpans with a smirk. Her hand goes to the obnoxiously pink strap-on between her legs. It isn't _big_ , per se, but it's definitely larger than anything Peridot’s ever had inside her. Her skin is alight with anticipation and arousal as Jasper shifts above her, pushing her legs further apart gently. Jasper looks her in the eye, “You sure you wanna do this?”

“Just fuck me already,” Peridot grumbles. She gasps into her neck as the other woman thrusts inwards. The stretch isn't painful, wet as she is, but there isn't any pleasure that accompanies it. It’s just _there_ as Jasper sinks into her, as slowly as she can manage. She curses when Jasper pulls out suddenly, then moves back inside her. Her thumb drags down Peridot’s stomach until she finds the center of her pleasure, and then she presses hard. She gets considerably more vocal after that, nails digging into whatever she has access to behind her back as she writhes underneath her and the pace increases. Expletives spill from her mouth and she tries to meet Jasper’s thrusts with her hips. Her glasses fall haphazardly off her face and another curse slips out of her mouth.

Except it isn't one. Jasper stills and looks mildly shocked when she pops her eyes open in mortification as her mind catches up with her mouth.

_I love you_.

“I-,” Jasper’s jaw works, “I knew you had feelings but, uh, I didn't think it was like that,”

Peridot feels her whole body turn several shades of red darker and she looks away. She wants to cover her face, but her hands only struggle against their restraints. As usual, dying sounds nice right about now, “Shit,”

“Hey-Hey it's okay! We can keep going if you want, I’m up for it,” Jasper tries, but Peridot is too ashamed. She shakes her head and Jasper pulls out with a sigh, busies herself with the clips to the device and Peridot curls in on herself. There's warmth pressed against her back as Jasper settles down next to her, “It’s okay Peri, I really don't mind,”

She doesn't say anything for a long time. Her voice cracks when she finally opens her mouth, “How do you feel? About me?”

Jasper hums and sighs, “I, well, I dunno. I mean I obviously don't just see us as friends,” she chuckles breathlessly, and Peridot peeks out at her.

“Really?”

“Look, I know you live under a rock so you might not know,” Jasper casts her a glance from the corner of her eye. There's mirth in her gaze, “But this isn't what “ _just friends_ ” do,”

“Oh fuck off,” Peridot sits up and elbows her. Jasper laughs aloud at that.

“I feel . . . something, I just don't trust myself with a relationship yet,” her arm comes around Peridot’s side, squeezing her flush against Jasper’s naked torso, “This is nice. This is safe. I’ll tell you when I’m ready for something more emotionally intimate,”

“Hey,” Peridot curls her fingers into fists where they still hang bound behind her, “I understand. What do you wanna do now?"

" _I'm_ still in the mood, if you wanna bust out the fake dick again," she waggles her brows down at Peridot and flashes her a toothy grin. Peridot rolls her eyes.

"You weren't even the one getting fucked," she snorts, and Jasper rolls over to prop herself above Peridot. 

"The noises you make are pretty hot," she purrs, "Including the accidental declarations of love," 

Peridot cries out in despair and blushes again, "You suck!" 

"I can do that, too," Jasper presses hot lips to her chin and she shudders. Her resolve falters quickly - not that she has much of one to begin with.

She hooks her leg around Jasper's and her chest heaves, "Alright, you brute,"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've kind of decided that cherry tequila is gonna be more of an experimentation-and-practice fic. It doesn't have a really clear plot but it's kind of just drabbles in the same universe? It's one of the only fics I have that doesn't have a rigid plotline. So I guess comment things you'd like to see, or shoot me an ask on tumblr (which is the same as here)? Also: i'm SO SORRY IT TAKES ME SO LONG TO UPDATE I have like 20 wips i've been on and off working on and i'm the queen of terrible time management but I promise you'll get more fics (with actual plotlines) eventually.


	4. Accidental

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot's good fortune slips on a pencil and breaks its leg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here feast on this bounteous garbage I have brought to you my possum children

The campfire is warm in front of her, and her hot dogs have long-burnt. Jasper is on her fifth perfectly cooked frank, and Amethyst her sixth. It’s a disgusting competition and everyone gathered is completely enraptured.

“-Like I said,” Pearl drones, Garnet being the only one really listening, “Steven brought home this little tabby cat yesterday, and while I love animals and he does too, he’s completely allergic! Sneezing, a runny nose, red eyes, I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to tell him no?”

Amethyst rolls her eyes, “Get him allergy medicine, yo,” the seventh hot dog disappears down her gullet and Pearl looks more than mildly disturbed. Jasper groans and stops halfway through her sixth.

Amethyst whoops and pumps her fists in the air while Jasper chucks it into the bushes, “Do squirrels eat meat? Maybe the possums will get it,” 

“All the squirrels and possums are hibernating, dumbass. Which is exactly what we should be doing,” Peridot bundles herself deeper into her coat and shivers in the cold Illinois winter. Garnet offers her a scarf, which she takes graciously.

“It's only, like, seven, but you can sleep if you wanna. Get to hibernatin’,” Amethyst plops down next to her and leans into her, practically shoving her off the log. She grunts and falls into the snow, a vicious scowl twisting her features. 

The rest gathered burst into raucous laughter as she rolls over and scrambles after Amethyst. She ends up pinned to the ground with the shorter girl on her back and her arm bent behind her as she slaps the ground in defeat. The snow burns her lanky fingers and she watches them turn red and wet, losing the feeling in them. Jasper’s eyes go wide and she shakes her head when Peridot approaches again, a smug grin and outstretched hands, “Do you want my fingers to fall off?”

“You're not sticking your hands under my coat, you fucking gremlin,” 

“Oh yes I am,” she hisses, but a pair of gloves is shoved into her face. Jasper gathers her up and plants her in her lap, arms pinned to her sides by Jasper’s bulk and biceps. 

“Can't do it now,” Jasper grins like a pleased cat and Amethyst smirks knowingly at her from her spot next to Garnet. She flushes. 

“Hey _Pearl_ ,” Amethyst begins, lets her eyes lock with Peridot’s for a moment, tauntingly, before she turns around and slaps her hands together, “You still haven't told me who this new _girl_ you're _dating_ is,” 

Pearl blushes and waves a hand, “Oh, it's no big thing. It started last week,” Peridot rolls her eyes as Amethyst throws glances at her. Jasper and her weren't _dating_ , so there was nothing to confess, no matter how Amethyst wanted them to, “You know that girl that’s in Vidalia’s art class?” 

Amethyst’s expression drops suddenly, “. . . Kiki?” she tries, but Pearl shakes her head.

“Her name’s Lapis,” Jasper stiffens and Amethyst’s expression is full of the utmost regret. Peridot can feel her stomach drop and she knows that Jasper is pale with discomfort behind her, “Blue hair, sort of surly?” 

“We, uh, we know her,” Amethyst’s voice is low, and Pearl just looks confused. Jasper releases her promptly and she falls on her butt into the snow. 

“I’ll be back. Gotta piss,” 

“What's _her_ problem?” Pearl raises a brow as Peridot picks herself up and dusts her rear off, water already soaking into her pants. The chill only intensifies as she sits down and sighs pathetically. So much for their good night. 

Jasper _looks_ fine when she comes back, settles down next to Peridot and laughs along at jokes and whatnot, but she knows it's a ruse. Her eyes have no squint of joy as she smiles at Pearl’s rambling stories, as Amethyst discusses vulgar things that make Garnet chuckle and Pearl recoil. It's around eleven when they decide to snuff out the fire and sleep. 

“I can hunker down with Jasper, Peri! We’re cousins, after all,” Amethyst claps her on the back. Garnet raises a brow at the dramatic tone she takes.

“It’s really fine, Ame. She's my _bestie_ ,” she grits back, Amethyst inclining her head.

“I thought _I_ was your bestie! Pick a different role for Jaspy,” there's an elbow in her skinny side. She squints at Amethyst and Jasper rolls her eyes. 

“Nah. You're just my annoying dorm roommate,” she snips, then jumps into the bed of Jasper’s truck, “Oh, look! I’m already here! Go sleep with Pearl,” 

Pearl looks positively bewildered at their lighthearted bickering, but motions to her tent opening when Amethyst glances over, “You wound me, Peri. You gon’ have to find a different weed dealer now,” she jokes, but turns to march for Pearl’s tent. She wonders if the teasing will ever stop, though she doesn't mind it terribly. _When you start dating_ , her mind quips, but she shakes it away. Jasper settles down next to her under blankets and pillows and they stare up at the night sky as frost nips at Peridot’s extremities. 

“Are you okay?” she whispers when Jasper curls an arm around her and drags her flush against her side.

“Why wouldn't I be?” there's the smallest bit of hostility in her voice, but Peridot isn't known for her ability to stop prodding.

“Pearl is dating-” she tries, but Jasper cuts her off abruptly.

“I don't give a shit,” she snarls, her hand fisting in Peridot’s hoodie sleeve, “So fucking drop it,” 

“Fine,” she mumbles, and turns her back to Jasper. There's a loss of warmth at her front, but she's upset. She just wanted to help. There's no more words uttered until she falls asleep in Jasper’s grasp, frozen and sad and irritated. 

 

 

\--

 

Jasper hates marijuana. Hates it like it's the devil. She scowls at Peridot as she swings open her door with sluggish limbs and lidded eyes, a dopey grin and the oppressive scent of a good time. 

“You’re smoking,” she hisses, and shoves her inside, shuts the door quietly. Amethyst is friends with higher ups, so as long as they keep their unsavory habits more or less on the down-low, they should be safe. Amethyst is going to be pissed when she gets home later.

“Isn't smoking what you do with, like, cigarettes? I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't want to die,” she giggles, wraps her arms around Jasper’s middle and doesn't let go. Jasper has since apologized for her outburst at the campsite, but it still hurts deep down in her heart. There's a sigh as she moves to Peridot’s bunk, wood groaning and springs screaming as she settles down. 

“I wanted to talk to you, but you're doped up. This sucks,” 

She detaches herself from Jasper and drapes herself across Jasper’s lap uncoordinatedly, “Can we go to McDonald’s? I wanna eat, like, three quarter pounders,” 

“You _are_ a quarter pounder,” Jasper scoffs, and stares down at her skeptically. 

“I’m gonna cry. I’m so friggin’ hungry,” she turns her saddest look on Jasper, pouts her lips and reaches up to grasp at Jasper’s collar.

The larger woman swats her skinny hand away and hooks her arms under Peridot’s skinny legs, “Don't cry, good lord. I’ll take you to get food,” 

For once, she doesn't care about being carried down two flights of stairs and shoved haphazardly into Jasper’s truck. They're halfway to a fast food joint when Peridot gasps, “Park the car!”

Jasper swerves into a Walgreens and turns to Peridot with fear in her eyes, “What? What's wrong?”

She grips her seatbelt, stares into Jasper’s eyes and speaks like she's unlocked the meaning of life, “Let’s have sex. In your car,” 

Her expression goes completely foul, and she scowls like Peridot pissed in her cheerios, “No. Absolutely not. D’you understand how many people will see?” 

Peridot laughs, puts her feet up on the dashboard and sinks as low down as she can go, “Then let’s, like, not do it in a Walgreens,”

“You're terrible,” Jasper hisses, “Do you still want food?”

She mulls over it for a long moment as Jasper pulls back out into traffic, “No,”

“It’s, like, one in the afternoon. Why are you already high?”

“Who cares?” she unclicks her seatbelt and then clicks in back into place for the third time. Jasper sends her a look full of venom and she raises her hands in surrender, “I forgot why,” 

“You aren't gonna have any brain cells left by the end of college, I swear to god. You're gonna be Snoop Dog, but pasty and thin,” 

She laughs hard at that, grips her stomach and heaves as Jasper shakes her head and sighs. She’s too busy thinking about how vending machines know that quarters are put inside them, and not just any coin, to care about where they're going. They arrive at Jasper’s house eventually, and she follows Jasper like a lost puppy until she sits down on the white couch. Peridot marvels at the cleanliness of Jasper’s house like she's seeing it for the first time, white furniture with beige and pink accents, driftwood piled in corners artistically and little plates full of red stones in Jasper’s namesake. She kicks her ratty converse off and stumbles over to the pantry in her stupor, grabs the first thing she sees and throws the clip off. 

“Why do you have such weird food?” Peridot gags on kale chips and sets the bag down carefully. Her pantry is full of quinoa, veggie straws, _baked potato crisps_. She feels personally offended.

“You've been in my pantry a thousand times. You “realize” that I don't eat utter garbage literally every time you come over high,” Jasper sounds peeved, flipping through the pages of a book angrily on the couch. Peridot tries to walk quietly, but her feet stick to the bare tile and peel up with a sound like bandages and stickers. Jasper throws a cynical look at her as she takes each step like she’s on the moon. She takes a fistful of Peridot’s shirt and hauls her into her lap with a squawk of surprise as soon as she’s close enough, “Christ, how high are you?”

“A lot,” she sticks her tongue out and relaxes, sprawled over Jasper with her arms sticking at odd angles, but she doesn't mind. Jasper snorts at her nonsensical response.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Jasper mumbles, drags her up so that her face is next to Jasper's. There's a kiss pressed to her cheek, and she giggles.

“You probably shouldn't right now,” Peridot kisses Jasper’s lips–or, at least, she tries to. Her aim is off and she plants her mouth on Jasper’s nose. They both laugh at that, “I probably won't remember. Or give good advice. Or both,” 

“Alright,” Jasper exhales tiredly, fixes Peridot’s predicament. She likes the way it feels, the tension in Jasper melting below her fingertips and the hot tongue in her mouth. She breaks the kiss and moves to straddle Jasper, peppers gentle, slow pecks down her neck until she groans. Her glasses are snatched away and tossed somewhere further down the couch, and Jasper chuckles, blurry in her terrible eyesight. 

“You suck,” she huffs, takes Jasper’s face in her shaky hands. Her mouth never seems to enjoy collaborating with her brain, so the words slide off her tongue like rain on a metal playground slide, “But I love you,”

Whatever expression Jasper wears, she can't tell. It's been in the open since the first time they tried penetrative sex, so it's no surprise. She brings her lips down on Jasper’s collarbone and struggles to stay aroused, the haze of her high and her mixed feelings pulling at her mind incessantly. 

Jasper’s breath is heavy as she tips Peridot’s face up so that she can kiss her. It’s soft, and precious, and a little too much for Peridot’s loopy mind. 

“Are we gonna-,” Peridot makes a vulgar motion with her fingers, “ _You know?_ ”

Jasper laughs, her whole body shaking with the mirth in her lungs, “If you wanna,” 

She slides down to hang off the edge of the couch, slants her fingers in Jasper’s jeans and hums. Jasper has to undo the buttons because she can't see, but she jerks them down Jasper’s legs easily enough, though they do catch on her curves. _Damn skinny jeans_. She kisses the smooth thighs on the sides of her head, “I’m gonna do that one thing now,” 

Jasper mumbles a confirmation and she buries her face in _Jasper_ , swirls her tongue and tries to gauge what's right by how hard Jasper’s breathing comes, the way her voice cracks when she cries out her name. A finger worms it's way inside of her, then two, then three and Jasper begins to come undone. Her hips come off the couch and Peridot feels hands fist almost too tightly in her hair, press her down harsher into the sweetness under her mouth. Jasper isn't the most vocal during sex, but there's a long moan that Peridot manages to wring from her when she starts to seize around her fingers and she arches off the couch. She tries to milk it for as long as possible, curling her fingers and sucking on the center of her pleasure, before she pushes Peridot away in oversensitivity and grunts. 

“Gross,” Jasper chuckles breathlessly when she crawls up next to her and licks her face.

“Hey, you make me suck it off your fingers most of the time,” she smiles and buries her face in Jasper’s neck. Jasper pulls her closer and the both eventually doze off in the overcast afternoon, warm and satisfied. 

 

 

\--

 

 

Most of the time, kisses come from Jasper without any prerequisite. Every day, at least once. She realizes how much she takes them for granted when they cease frequency, a day goes by without contact, then two. 

“Hey,” she keeps her distance, at least a foot between them, as they walk from her astrophysics course to her dorm, “Is, uh, is something up?”

The corner of Jasper’s lip pulls into a frown, “I guess. Jus’ been feelin’ down,” 

There's a moment when she considers not prodding deeper, but she wouldn't be a good friend if she didn't try to pull Jasper’s issue up by the roots, whatever it is, “Is it about–?” she trails off, and Jasper nods. The Blue-Haired menace, yet again. Envy and anger and jealousy scrape claws down her face, seize her lungs and squeeze. _I’m right here!_ she wants to cry, _She doesn’t love you! I do!_

“It feels weird to know she's moved on already,” Jasper’s voice is low, there's a strange expression on her face that Peridot can't quite read.

“She could be trying to make you jealous,” she finds herself blurting out, staring down at her dirty converse as they pick up muddy snow and flecks of ice off the slippery ground. She can't feel her toes, but she can't feel her heart either, so she doesn't care. She kicks herself mentally and furrows her brows. Jasper is distant, works her jaw and sighs. A thought slips past Peridot’s internal net of _Things You Shouldn’t Say Ever_ and right out into the frigid air, with a puff of white to prove the sentence’s existence, “You could too. Start dating again, I mean,”

There's regret welling inside her gut as soon as it's out, and Jasper stops altogether. Her eyes are sad, guilty, “Peridot, I–,” 

She doesn't stop walking, cuts Jasper off with a frown, shakes her head jerkily and tries to keep her voice from cracking, “I’m sorry, it was a dumb thing to say. Forget about it,” 

Jasper’s mouth moves, but no words come out for a long moment as she watches Peridot turn redder than the cold air had already made her, “Alright,” 

“I can make it from here. Thanks for walking me,” she snips, speeding up her pace so that Jasper gets the message. Hot tears well in her eyes for reasons she can't understand and she doesn't stop power-walking until she’s slammed her dorm door. Amethyst looks up abruptly from where she’s putting clothes away, then drops everything and goes to gather Peridot up in her arms. She sobs grossly into the other girl’s shoulder and slumps against the door, dragging Amethyst down with her. 

“What the fuck am I doing?” she whispers, Amethyst squeezing her as tight as she can. 

 

\--

 

 

Peridot makes her way to lake Michigan for the guilt that wells inside her gut. She’s hardly overweight, almost _underweight_ , but she never exercises. When was the last time she lifted anything heavier than her backpack? Her burly gym teacher from highschool would probably cry if she saw her diet mixed with her laziness. “Cholesterol!” she’d cry, “Your poor hearts are dying in your chests, children!”. Her conscious also swells like the black lake on the border of her city. There's too many things to think about, from midterms to Jasper to Lapis and her dumb fucking emotions. She tries to shove the feelings down like she used to, but now that they're out they refuse to be stifled again.

She wants to walk as far as she can up the coastline and back, maybe, but the coldness already bites at her skinny legs in her ratty jeans and at her fingers, though they're wrapped in two pairs of old gloves. Her feet aren't cold, surprisingly. Jasper had convinced her to buy decent boots so she didn't die in converse like she did every winter. Still, when she reaches the coast, she stares out at the roiling, dark waves and the haze of sleet and finds more and more sluggishness weighing down her limbs. She slips into the first coffee shop she can find with a sigh and a heavy resignation than _no_ , she would not be exercising today. She pulls her hands out of her pockets and shivers as she saddles up to the counter, orders the sweetest thing on the menu that's boiling and caffeinated. When she sits in a corner of the shop, she glances to her side and her entire body freezes when she sees only one thing. 

Indigo hair and a dark, freckled face. There's a characteristic scowl in her blue eyes as she nurses her coffee, all bundled up in orange scarf and a very worn, woolen sweater. There's a lump in her throat that she can't quite swallow when she realizes that it's _Jasper’s_ scarf. Maybe she just kept it from their time together, refused to give it back. Jasper’s clothes are rather comfortable most of the time. 

The bell above the door rings and her chest seizes up, too tight to breathe when the worst possible person walks in and pulls out the chair across from Lazuli. 

“I was wondering where that went,” Jasper’s voice is soft and Peridot wants to throw up, wants to die. _No, no, no, no!_ Jasper’s about to be ripped from her greedy, selfish little hands and back into she-satan’s lair. 

Lazuli sighs and stretches her back, bites her lip and refuses to look at Jasper, “It’s warm, and I missed you,” 

Peridot’s going to start hyperventilating, or crying, or something equally embarrassing. She stares hard at her knuckles, white with exertion as she digs her nails into her hoodie sleeves. Green, vibrant, too bright, “Then why didn't you ever take me back?”

“Why do you _want_ me back?” Lazuli scoffs, “I tore you to pieces! I shattered you. You should _hate_ me,” 

Jasper heaves a sigh and her voice is so very quiet that Peridot can hardly hear it, “I loved you,” 

Lazuli doesn't speak for a moment, but her hand slides over Jasper’s and Peridot looks away as they meet eyes, her voice shakes and Peridot trembles as her lungs scream for air, “I _hated_ you. I needed you to- to make myself feel like I was finally in control. I don't wanna feel like that ever again. I wanted you to come here so I could apologize. I’m sorry for everything I did, Jasper,” 

Hurt boils inside of Peridot. What was _happening?_ Were they getting back together? Becoming friends? Greediness taints her heart and grips her mind like a vice as she thinks. She wants Jasper to be _all hers_. This isn’t _fair_.

“I don't think I can really forgive you, yet, but I appreciate this. I appreciate it a lot,” The barista calls out names, and she wonders why her damn coffee is taking so long. Jasper sighs again and nods in the corner of her eyes, blurry where her glasses don't cover, “I heard you got a new girl?” 

Lazuli leans back and breaks contact, takes a chug of whatever’s in her cup, “She dumped me last week for this punk rocker chick with pink hair. She’s like, as tall as you,”

“You're a punk rocker chick with _blue_ hair,” Jasper laughs, and Lazuli joins in. _Where the hell are they going with this?_

“It’s _grunge_ , Jasper. Get it right,” Lazuli hangs her arm over the back of her chair and settles back, “What about you? Got a new flame?”

Jasper’s mouth opens to speak, but the barista chooses then to announce her name, crowing it loud for all to hear in all its incriminating glory. _Why couldn't she have had a common fucking name, like Jennifer, or Paula?_ Jasper’s brow furrows and Peridot rises stiffly, grabs her coffee off the counter and ignores how the molten liquid splashes over her bare hands with her hasty movements. Jasper’s voice calls out but she’s gone, hunched over in the wind that had stirred up during her time eavesdropping. 

The coffee shop door jingles as it opens, so, like the fool she is, she sprints away. Her boots slip on ice as she rounds a corner and she finds herself on the ground, brown liquid sizzling on the sidewalks and a pounding in her head as she groans. Her glasses have shattered and a homeless man scrambles off his cardboard post to help her to her feet, and she looks down to see cracked ice and the ugly contrast of red on it. She mutters her gratitude and shakily hands him all the spare ones that she's got in her pocket, before setting off again. Her eyes won't focus through the spidery cracks running up and down her spectacles, but she's not sure if it's from the hot tears running down her cheeks or from her fall. Her limbs feel leaden as she catches sight of her campus in view. 

She makes her way back to her dorm, slams the door shut yet again. They're going to start getting noise complaints at this rate. Amethyst is quick to set down her bong and glance up at Peridot’s frantic expression. Her phone buzzes in her pocket, angry, demanding attention. She knows who it is. There’s a moment that she struggles with her pocket and her stupid gloves before she manages to extract the phone, and she throws it across the room. It hits the wall, slides down, and keeps buzzing against the floor. 

“Dude!” Amethyst cries, fussing over her in an instant. She sees the dripping wound in the center of her forehead not long after, and shoves Peridot right back out the door. There’s bloody stains on the ground as she stumbles along to keep up with Amethyst’s rigid pace. The girl doesn't even have shoes on, but she marches right out into the snow and shoves Peridot into her little Toyota Corolla, “We’re going to Pearl’s so she can patch you up, then you're gonna tell me what happened,” she says gruffly, ripping out the guts of the panel and hot-wiring her own car.

“I fucked up,” she murmurs, blood and tears leak down her nose and drip onto her green hoodie. She watches the drops sink in, watches the way that her tears sink in fast and readily, but the blood sinks slow, saturates her hoodie in an ugly tone that contrasts with the green. It stains it forevermore with the strange, painful guilt that tightens in her chest like a wind-up toy, waiting to release.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has a plot now, I guess? Also, WOO TWO UPDATES IN ONE WEEK. I'm in the groove of it now so MAYBE expect more soon. Also, more AUs. Eventually. I promise.


	5. Misery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello naughty children it's time to cry

Pearl’s fingers are cold as she prods at her forehead. She’s a fencer, a history major, a violinist, and a dancer. Her fiancé passed fourteen years back from complications during birth, and Pearl had been too distraught to enter college until later in her life. Rose had been a physician in training, and Pearl had picked up a trick or two from the kindly woman.

“You need stitches. Garnet, get the sewing kit and the rubbing alcohol,” she says matter-of-factly, pressing a bloody rag back to her forehead and holding it hard, “You might also have a concussion,”

“Why am I not going to a real doctor? What if I, like, broke my skull or something?” Peridot mumbles, eyes shut in the harsh light of Pearl’s apartment.

“You'd be in indescribable agony, and you probably wouldn't be conscious,” Pearl sighs. After a moment, Garnet returns and Pearl immediately moves to grab the supplies. When Peridot manages to open her eyes she watches as the what she assumes is the needle is doused in alcohol and threaded with string, “Hold still,” Pearl mutters, and there's an angry hiss from Peridot when she begins, “What were you doing? Where the hell is Jasper?”

“Do I really–ow!–have to go into it right now?” she tries to focus on everything except for the needle under her skin and the sharp pain that shoots through her head. Amethyst stands guard near the doorway, but she can't see her expression without her glasses. Garnet stands next to Pearl, hands on her hips.

“I’d like to know how you got it at least,”

She bites her lip as a third stitch is placed and breathes evenly, “I was running and I slipped. I fucking wiped out and the ice on the sidewalk cut my forehead, I think,”

Pearl doesn't speak for the rest of the time. Five stitches in white thread, neat and even in the flesh of her forehead are what she has to bear as a mark of her own idiocy. Her cracked glasses are put back upon her face and her migraine rages as Pearl sets up the guest room for her and Amethyst.

“We can sleep at the dorm, P, it's really okay,” Amethyst’s voice is hushed outside the dark room where Peridot is supposed to be resting, but her stomach churns with anxiety and her head pounds too frequently.

“I know. I just want to make sure she doesn't get any worse. Symptoms of a concussion don't always show up immediately,” there's hesitance in Pearl’s voice, “Do you know what happened?”

“She just slammed the door and said she fucked up. I know she's been having issues with Jasper so. . . maybe they had a falling out?”

Pearl makes a clicking noise and Peridot stares blankly into the murky mess that is the room. Without glasses and with darkness surrounding her, all sorts of demonic things dance in her vision, “About what? They're the best of friends,”

There is a long pause, “She’d probably kill me if I told you, but she’s been, like, in love with Jasper forever,” well, isn’t that just fucking peachy. Now they’ll all find out, and her soul will be put on display because of her own stupid mistakes, “They kinda had a friends with benefits thing goin’ on, though. Dunno why Jasper didn't make it official, but she’s come home a few times in tears. I worry about her, P,” Amethyst’s voice is tender, genuine. Peridot rolls over and buries her face in the pillows to tune out Pearl’s reply. Amethyst is a good friend, one for life. She really doesn’t appreciate her enough, she finds, and tears well in her eyes for the umpteenth time that day.

  
\--

  
Amethyst wakes her with repeated pokes to the softest, most ticklish parts of her body. She huffs in irritation at first, but then a finger prods her in her ribs. She jolts up with a wheeze and sends Amethyst’s grinning face a glare.

“I know we don’t have classes today but I wanna get outta’ here,” Amethyst is fully ready in her apparel from the previous day, with an addition of a maroon jacket that belongs to Garnet. It’s a bit too long, and a bit too tight in the sleeves. She still bears no shoes.

She rolls herself out of the bed, holds her head in her hands and stares at the floor, “What time is it even?”

“Like, nine. Not too early. We slept early last night anyway,” she tugs on Peridot’s arm impatiently until she stands. She groans and shuts her eyes when the door opens and light floods the room. Amethyst is next to her in a moment, “Shit, P was right, you prob’ly have a concussion,”

“I just wanna go home,” she mutters, and Amethyst sighs. Pearl isn't home, so there's nothing to be done about it anyway.

Her eyes stay closed as Amethyst hotwires her car again and she rubs crusts out of her tear ducts from under her glasses. Amethyst pulls out of the apartment complex and Peridot tries to drift away into the droning bliss of an engine and the snowy environment outside. Amethyst speaks up when Peridot assumes at least half their journey is over, “You wanna get some Starbucks or something?”

“Shove a pumpkin spice latte up my ass,” she quips, and Amethyst laughs raucously. Her head pounds, but she doesn't complain, “What about Panera? I’d fucking kill someone for some tomato soup right about now,”

“You got it, Peridactyl,” Amethyst chuckles, and swerves a little too quickly into the turn-lane. While Peridot orders her soup and Amethyst gets a ridiculously sized sandwich, people gawk and turn their noses up at Peridot’s bloody sweatshirt and Amethyst’s lack of footwear. She doesn't care, really, because they make quite the pair.

  
\--

  
Her stomach is full of soup when they get home and she just wants to sleep again, but she notices her phone on the ground, just where she’d left it. The bloody splotches she dripped onto the floor remain, but she's too lazy to clean them up. Amethyst steps over them and makes for her shoes as Peridot flops onto her bed and turns over. She shrugs the too-tight coat off and kicks her pajama pants across the room. It's ripped leggings and an ugly christmas sweater when Peridot looks back over.

“Hey, I’d love to stay here with you and just chill, but I’m actually late to hanging out with Steven, and I feel bad cancelling,” she picks up Peridot’s phone, with the silly white case printed with little alien heads, and hands it to her, “Call me if you feel sucky or want me to come back. I’ll prob’ly be back by four. I’ll text you if not,”

Peridot sighs and doesn't turn her phone on. Her stomach is already churning because she knows that it isn't going to be pretty, “Alrighty. I’ll probably just get high and sleep,” she puts on a weak smile and Amethyst rolls her eyes.

“Maybe don't get high, since your head’s all wonky right now. Catch ya’ on the flip-side, P-dottie,” Amethyst is a ray of sun, and the room is cast into a sickening kind of darkness as soon as the door shuts. Light still streams in through the shutters, but it's all wrong. She stares at the case of her phone, and listens to the beat of her heart in her head, how it speeds up involuntarily when she inhales and calms when she exhales.

She grasps for the smooth edges and holds her breath when her thumb applies pressure to the home button. Ten missed calls from Jasper and seven texts. Jasper wasn't wild when it came to phones and keeping in contact, which was a relief. The first text is angry, full of expletives and demanding an explanation; so are the second and third. The tone shifts, however. A ten minute gap in the texts and then franticness. _Where are you??_ the fourth text reads, _Why is there so much blood in your dorm?????_. Sickness fills her up like slime, heavy and viscous, and she sighs, sets the phone down and kicks off her shoes. Her read receipts are on, so she allows that to be her response. Sleep, for once, is not elusive.

  
\--

  
Her phone buzzes and her eyes slide open sluggishly. Her bladder is full and the clock reads twelve O’two. After she stumbles to the bathroom and relieves herself, splashes water on her face and scrubs at the crusty dried blood that clings to her pale skin, she picks up her phone. More messages from Jasper.

_Amethyst told me you’re okay but she wouldn't say anything else_

She frowns, stews where she sits. She thinks that not existing anymore sounds like a fine alternative to her current situation. The phone buzzes in her grasp again, not unlike the pulse of her heart in the wound on her forehead.

_I can see that you're reading these_

Peridot huffs and locks the phone, tosses it onto her bedside table and throws her arms over her face. Should she eat? Probably. Will she? No. The room is chilled, and she shivers. She kicks her jeans off and pulls the stained hoodie off her head, flings her bra somewhere onto the floor and digs the palms of her hands into her eyes. Her phone buzzes again and she flips it off, steals Amethyst’s bedsheets and crawls into bed with nothing but underwear on. The layered blankets built heat quickly and she snuggles into the softness, ignores the angry, buzzing hornet that is her phone, and finds herself lulling back to sleep.

  
\--

  
The clock only reads two thirty when heavy pounding starts up at the door. She doesn't respond at first, hopes that the offender will leave, but they don't.

“Fuck off!” she cries the second time that the knocking comes, but it doesn't cease. Again. “Amethyst, if you forgot you keys and you woke me up for this ‘m gonna beat your ass,” she slurs, stumbles out of bed with a groan and reaches for her glasses, slips her grimy hoodie back over her head and swings open the door with as vicious of a glare as she can muster. She muses she must not be very intimidating, hair even wilder than usual and a very blatant lack of shoes and pants. Jasper raises a brow, hands on her hips, and her stomach drops off of the Empire State Building, taking her rude demeanor with it.

Jasper looks angry at first, but it melts into concern, “Peridot, your head-,”

“What about it?” she snaps, stands her ground in the doorway. Jasper seems very uncomfortable suddenly.

“There's,” she traces a line on her own forehead, at a loss for words, “Stitches. Your glasses are cracked,”

Peridot screws her face up into a scowl, “I fell,”

“Are you alright?”

“Why’s it matter to you?” she spits. Regret strikes through her heart when Jasper’s face grows irritated. It seems as though she’s found the end of her rope.

“Because you're my friend,” she says, and shoves Peridot into the room. Jasper can bench press two of Peridot, maybe even three. There’s positively nothing she can do as the other woman shuts the door and narrows her eyes, “My _friend_ who followed me and eavesdropped on a conversation she had no right listening to,”

“I got there before you did!” she fires back, and Jasper looks mildly alarmed, “I wanted to go for a walk but it was shitty out so I went into the first coffee shop I could find. You walked in and started making gooey-eyes at your little demon-ess!"

“I don't believe you,” Jasper hisses, and Peridot throws her hands in the air with a shout of frustration. She stomps over to her bed and clenches her fists so hard that they shake, back turned to Jasper, “Is it a jealousy thing? Why are you jealous?”

“Of _course_ it’s a jealousy thing!” she cries, whirling and staring incredulously at Jasper, “All you do is talk about _her_! Think about _her_! Whine about _her_! You know I’m _in love with you_ , you wouldn't think that would upset me? Just a little?” her voice steadily rises to a shout, cracking on the last syllable and face going ruddy with frustration. Her tear ducts burn and shame wells inside, “I care about you but I feel like a plaything. I’m tired of feeling like second best! I don't even know why she still holds a place in your heart. She hurt you so much, and all I’ve ever been is good to you,”

Jasper is shocked silent, eyes wide as the tears roll down Peridot’s cheeks. A thought pops into her mind that she's probably dehydrated, but she shoves it aside. That can wait, this cannot, “You-you aren't second best, Peridot–,” Jasper tries, but Peridot is done having it.

“If you don't see me as your girlfriend then you can leave,” she spits bitterly. Jasper frowns, regret on her face. Her mouth opens again but Peridot cuts her off with a look. There's a moment that Jasper doesn't move, and Peridot thinks she's going to step forward, thinks that maybe, just maybe, Jasper cares just as much as she does.

Jasper turns, hand finding the door without another word, and her poor little heart cracks in a thousand different places when the lock clicks quietly into place. She slides down to the ground, throws her glasses as hard as she can across the room and listens to the shattering of glass, sobs until her frame refuses to move any longer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, not a very word-heavy chapter but important plot-wise. I'll try to make up for it in the next two, which I'm already half done with. Should be up soon.


End file.
